Instead of going into some long-winded soliloquy about who I am and how great it is to be a mom, I'm just gonna jump right into the first installment:
Puberty...SUCKS!!!!
Ok...So, I have a 13 year old son, with whom I am blessed to say, have a very close relationship with. This is not to say however, that we don't have our obstacles. Although we can talk about almost anything, there is something about this pubescent stage in his life, that has totally fried his brain and any common sense that he may have been born with! There are times when I can look at him and see remnants of the little angel that I gave birth to but, as of late, it seems those times are so few and far between. Between the constant mood swings; the "out of the blue" sex questions; the acne and the newfound vanity (since he's just now realizing that he really is cute); I think the most frustrating part of all this for me is his SMART *SS MOUTH!!!! I mean I can't take it! Now, it wouldn't be as bad, if he did it "old-school" style and talked about me to himself, under his breath, after he got back to his room but, NOOOOO...Not my kid. My kid, will mumble something that is actually, halfway decipherable and then when I question him about it, he has the nerve and audacity to give me the silent stare down, as if he is challenging me!!!!! So, I think to myself, "Is he crazy????", knowing full well that he is just being down right indignant. Well, at this point, there are only three things that I can do: 1) Talk to him 2) Put him on restriction or 3) Slap him.
Of course, my first inclination is to take option 3 (because it would make me feel better) and option 2 doesn't fare well, in my home because he has trained himself to be content without material distractions (i.e., playstation, t.v., iPod, etc.) and he doesn't really "hang" with the homeboys of the neighborhood, so restricting him just doesn't work. He'll just lay in his bed until he falls asleep & that doesn't seem to bother him (it just irritates the h*ll out of me). However, I normally relent to my better judgement and choose option 1. Talking can be (for the most part), very theraputic for us both. For one, it forces me to calm down and get to the root of his problem and secondly, it saves him from a major beat down! Now, don't get it twisted...Although I joke, I really do believe in corporal punishment within reason but, I also say that I shouldn't have to be pushed to a point where I do resort to being violent toward my own child...because at this age, spankings are borderline. Whereas, reasonable corporal punishment is no longer a spanking...it's a fight. Needless to say, the majority of the time, allowing him the option of verbal expression, while still being firm about the rules and reinforcing the value of respect, will work...On the other hand, on the days that talking just doesn't seem to get it anymore, then I go by this everlasting bible passage: "Spare the rod and spoil the child"...Simply put: "Beat his *ss!"
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8 comments:
Very Interesting subject matter. I am not a mom, YET. But I find this to be a great discussion. I have play neices and nephews so I see this so often. I also have a 13 yr old brother and sister. I am the auntie and the sister that doesn't play and will be ready to punch the kid in the mouth, just because I know that is what my mom did to me during my puberty stages. My mouth was out of control for a while. I notice that these days, Mom's don't step up and be Mom. They want to be a friend. I understand but I feel that parents should develop that relationship and trust early on. I am with you. I say beat his @ss. But who am I to speak. I am just the auntie, teacher, cousin, ans sister.
What are you to do as a Single Mom?
I find this post to be refreshingly honest and veracious.Though motherhood is not my path, I work with children and find that both single and married mothers alike face similar issues with their pubescent offspring. It seems especially important for mothers with sons to gain respect as a figure of authority early.Trying to establish that with a child that is standing eye to eye with you is a more difficult task.Although I do not believe in corporal punishment, (much because I was not rendered that form of punishment as a child), I do appreciate the fact that you have three options that you consider when handling trying situations. I think resorting to spanking to address every instance of misbehavior can prove to be problematic. If spanking works, why do the children with the worst behavioral problems tend to get spanked multiple times daily?Anyhow,some may feel that it is not my place to have such a strong opinion on the matter..me not being a mother and all.I am just an observer that has noticed that a multi-tiered approach, such as yours, seems to be the most effective.
I'm a mother of three and one of those three just happens to be a 13 year old! Although she's a girl and the puberty is very different, we still have our battles. PS3 and MySpace gets replaced with Seventh grade school dances and boys calling the house! And although I have to constantly remind her to put on deodorant and to pick up her dirty underwear out of the center of the floor, there are those respectful lines that are not to be crossed! I will not tolerate rolling eyes, sucking teeth and ill comments about me to my face (or via text message to friends). My rules are law in my home! And since I'm the ONLY Queen in my castle, you do what I say or get the crap knocked out of you! See...I'm not beyond biting her ear like Mike Tyson did Holyfied! I'm not too old to square up to a 13 year old! Girl...get the boxing gloves out. Beat him down and then call Social Services yourself!
I'm a single father of two boys. One is 16 and the other is 8 and I tell you I have experienced a change in my 16 year old and I put a stop to that real fast with a quick body slam and lengthy conversation. I don't believe in sparing the rod and spoiling the child. Both my boys know that my word is law in my home or anywhere else for that matter and when I say jump it's time to bounce. Don't get me wrong I strongly believe in communication and I talk to them both relentlessly but I will never tolerate disrespect to me or any other adult as long as I'm alive and breathing. You can be a friend and a parent to your children but you must know who you should be at the right time so they don't get it twisted.
I give props and credit to all of the single parent out there trying to raise a teenager. My mother had to do it. Eventually, she had a boyfriend and we all ended up living in the same house. I raised total hell! But started to mature and understand my place as a teen. But I see where the need of both a mother and father or mother/father figures are around.
Being a single mother, as well as being a child of a single mother, I say, beat em' and then let him know why you did (the communication part). I am a product of a spanked child and I am a single mother of two...my eldest is an 18 year boy who til’ this day is still fearful of me, or just acts like it...lol.... he's almost a whole foot taller than me; however he thinks I'm crazy because he knows that I will still go toe to toe with him and can still take him out, taller than me or not. At this point him doing what I tell him to do isn't really because he fears me, but more because he respects me and my authority...Even though technically now he's an adult (that whole 18 thing), he still ask my permission to do things and my opinion about things... go figure...
The problem these days with children is that they have a lack of respect for authority towards any adult not limited to the parent and this is because this lack of respect was not handled during the early ages... see some parents thinks it cute when a child throws a tantrum at age 3, then age 6, then age 9. Or when they start talking back and always having something to say at 5...or when you tell them to do something and they ignore you and they are only 7…"They're just expressing themselves or they just need time out..." I hear some people say... Bull$#!T!!! They're testing you to see how much they can get away with. They just want to know their boundaries so that they know what they can and can not get away with and with whom. For example, I have some nieces who are twins and whose mouths are off the chain...They always have something smart to say to their mother as well as other adults. But the 1st time they ever tried that with me, I checked both of them immediately!!(Jacked them both up at the same time...) Now because of me setting them straight from the beginning, they have a totally different respect for me than they do other people to include their mother. While I have no problems out of them or getting them to do what I ask or say, she struggles with them doing anything she says if they don’t benefit from it and they talk to her as if they were the ones who gave birth and was taking care of themselves...Bottom line is if you don't set the boundaries when they are young (and I'm talking about starting at an early age, 2 or 3) then by the time they get to puberty, you are going to have a mess on your hands. Yes, communication is always good, and maybe the first time you give a warning as a gesture of your communication; however the second time or the next time, it's an @$$ whoopin they get (at least in my house!).
ok, have you been looking in the windows of my house, I mean really, thats my son, minus the acne.. and how fortunate you are that you only have one teenage mouth to deal with, aside of the fact that my 14 yr old daughter is an excellent student and helps me and my husband with my thirteen yr old son and his work,, she thinks she knows everything and that we owe her the world because she helps us with him and his homework and schedual, she think she is entitled to the last word during arguments and the phrase " cant we compromise" gets on my last nerves,, there was no compromising when I grew up, there was yes and yes and thats it.
U said "I & 99% of white america still goes by the one drop rule. Not to mention, that EVERY AFRICAN "AMERICAN", that's been in this country since slavery has some other nationality running through their veins & it is MOSTLY slave massa's!!!!! Hence, the declaration "BLACK IS BLACK IS BLACK"!!!" On that u is wrong as hell u Can "look" at me & C I have "NO" mixed anCestry runnin through my veins U is totally wrong on yo lil ConClusion baby-girl
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